


It's okay to not be okay

by bluejay1806



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejay1806/pseuds/bluejay1806
Summary: Virgil is worried about Roman and Roman finally asks for help.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Kudos: 29





	It's okay to not be okay

**Author's Note:**

> TW!: self harm

Roman got up from the couch, stretching. “I’m going to head to my room,” he announced.  
"Don't drink too much caffeine," Virgil said.  
"Awww whyyyy?" Roman asked.  
"Because sleep," Virgil reasoned. "Don't make me get Patton," he threatened.  
"Nuuu," Roman whined  
"PA-" Virgil started to shout.  
Roman slapped his hand over Virgil’s mouth, trying to keep him from yelling. Virgil licked his hand.  
"I'm used to that!" Roman exclaimed. “I have Remus for a brother!”  
Virgil, unsure of what to do, stole Roman’s crown. Roman gave an offended gasp.  
As Virgil turned to toss it to Remus, Roman grabbed it, saying, “Nope!”  
"Patton-!" Virgil started to yell again.  
"Stop!" Roman begged.  
"You can't drink that much caffeine!" Virgil exclaimed. He grabbed Roman’s crown again and started to run away. "Patton!" Virgil shouted once more.  
"Virgil, please," Roman muttered.  
"Patton, Roman's making unhealthy caffeine decisions directly before bed again!" Virgil shouted.  
"Please-" Roman started.  
"Roman! Listen to Virgil!" Patton shouted.  
"Yeah, listen to me!" Virgil said. He threw Roman’s crown at his face.  
"Gah-!" Roman exclaimed.  
"Oh my god, I forgot that was real! It's so light, I keep forgetting it's made of metal! Are you okay?" Virgil asked worriedly.  
"Um... y-yeah," Roman stammered, still shocked.  
"Fucking, sorry. Here, let me-" Virgil picked up Roman’s crown and had to stand on his toes to put the crown on Roman’s head and adjust it. "Sorry," Virgil mumbled.  
"It's alright, really," Roman said with a small smile.  
"I hit you in the face with a ring of metal, it's not okay. shut up." Virgil said.  
"It is okay, so Uno reverse, you shut up," Roman smirked.  
"Well rainbow Uno reverse, that's going to bruise probably! And it's not okay!" Virgil exclaimed.  
"It's fine, Virgil, I'm fine," Roman insisted.  
"So you're fucking insecure, needy, and exhausted? Or some shit like that?" Virgil questioned, referring to something he had seen on Tumblr.  
"The correct saying is, 'Fucked up, Insecure, Needy, and Emotional but you know that isn't what I meant-" Roman said factually.  
"Well I hit you in the face, so you're fucked up, that's one of them down!" Virgil claimed.  
Remus sat in the corner of the room, eating deodorant as if it were popcorn.  
"No, it means emotionally. Still, I'm okay," Roman said calmly.  
"Hmph," Virgil crossed his arms. "Whatever," he mumbled.  
Roman quietly muttered something under breath.  
"Excuse me? What was that?" Virgil asked.  
"N- nothing," Roman said quickly.  
"Hm," Virgil looked Roman up and down. "Yeah, OK. I'm gonna go hide your Monster,” he said, starting to walk off.  
"I have more hidden where you won't find them," Roman mumbled to himself.  
"You what?!" Virgil exclaimed.  
"Hm?" Roman asked, trying to act innocent.  
"Patton! Roman ha-" Virgil started shouting again.  
"Honestly, just stop," Roman pleaded.  
"No! You can't keep doing this, it’s not healthy," Virgil insisted.  
"I don't care-! I-I mean-" Roman exploded before he realized what he said.  
"What do you mean you don't care?" Virgil asked, walking back over to Roman. “About what? Your sleeping habits? Or...?" he trailed off.  
"Just- just drop it," Roman muttered.  
"No, Roman, we need to talk about this. You can't just not care-" Virgil said worriedly.  
"Virgil, please just-" Roman started before getting interrupted.  
"No! This is important, dammit!" Virgil exclaimed.  
Remus left, as he was not a big fan of mushy-gushy feelings.  
"No, it isn't! It really isn't!" Roman argued.  
"Yes, it is! You are fucking important, Roman!" Virgil insisted. "Don't you fucking disagree, Roman! You. Are. Important!" he poked Roman’s chest for emphasis.  
"Sure, whatever. Just-" Roman mumbled. He started to walk away.  
"No," Virgil said, grabbing Roman’s arm.  
Roman tried to hide a flinch and a slight wince when his wrist was grabbed.  
Virgil sunk into Imagination with Roman. "Do you see this, Roman?" Virgil asked.  
"What?" Roman questioned.  
"This!" Virgil exclaimed, letting go of Roman’s wrist and waving his hands around the entire Imagination. "You made this! All of it, all by yourself! Do you know how incomprehensible that is, the fact that you can make worlds?" he said.  
Roman looked around and sighed. "It's my job to do this, it's not that-" Roman began to say.  
"Yes! That's your job! You were given this job because you're fucking good at it! Have you ever seen me try to draw? Do you know how important it is that you have this job? You specifically?" Virgil asked.  
"I could easily be replaced, I-" Roman countered.  
"No!" Virgil grabbed Roman’s shoulders. "No one else here could do what you do, not the way you do it! Not Remus, not me, not Logan! Nobody!" Virgil said.  
"You literally mentioned the other Creativity," Roman muttered.  
"He has a different job. He makes important things, but he doesn't make your things. He can't make your things, no one can. Just you." Virgil said.  
"Okay, I get it, just let me be!" Roman said helplessly.  
Virgil sighed and let go. "Fine. But I will drill this into you every day until you believe me." he sat down on a rock. "Now why did you wince when I grabbed your arm?" Virgil asked worriedly.  
"I- didn't," Roman denied.  
"Don't lie, I saw it. You flinched a little too. What's wrong with your arm?" Virgil questioned.  
"Nothing," Roman insisted.  
"Roman-" Virgil sighed. "Fine, you know what?" Virgil said.  
"Hm?" Roman hummed.  
Virgil pulled the edge of his hoodie away from his neck to show stitches that were still a bit raw. “I broke a window two days ago and didn't tell anyone. I had to have Remy to the stitches, and he promised not to tell anyone." He admitted.  
"What the hell? Why? What happened?" Roman asked worriedly.  
"I was trying to move the couch to grab my headphones and something hit the window on the other side. The glass shattered and I didn't have my hoodie on." Virgil let go of his jacket and winced a bit. "The window reset or something because Thomas' actual living room didn't have that, and I went to Remy's apartment and asked him to fix me up. I was lucky that was the only really big gash I got, but I didn't tell anyone because you were all busy with that video and there wasn't a mess anyway." Virgil said,  
"VIRGIL!" Roman exclaimed.  
"Don't be a hypocrite! You would've done the same thing!" Virgil said.  
Roman was silent for a moment. "That doesn't-" he started to argue.  
"And I'm telling you now, aren't I? You can't tell me you haven't done anything like this before." Virgil insisted.  
"That is completely different! I know how to treat wounds!" Roman said.  
"At least I asked for help." Virgil stood up and held out a hand. "Now it's your turn."  
"I don't know what you're talking about," Roman said stubbornly.  
"I just told you something I didn't plan to tell anyone for as long as I live. Something I planned to forget as soon as I was healed. Now, it's your turn, Roman." Virgil gave him an intense look.  
Roman simply looked away, not responding.  
"Please? Roman?" Virgil begged.  
"I'm okay," Roman whispered mainly to himself.  
"It's... okay not to be okay, Roman," Virgil said softly.  
"No," Roman mumbled.  
"Yeah, Ro. It doesn't make you bad to have problems." Virgil said.  
"I- I'm okay," Roman repeated.  
Virgil sighed and stepped towards him.  
Roman tried to step back but he ran into a tree.  
Virgil stepped back again and raised his hands. "Sorry. I was going to hug you," he explained.  
"I'm sorry," Roman muttered.  
"Don't be. Are you okay with that? Can I hug you?" Virgil asked.  
Roman nodded.  
"Okay." Virgil slowly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Roman, being careful to avoid his arm.  
Roman just stood there for a second before relaxing slightly and placing his head on Virgil's shoulder.  
"It's okay, Ro." Virgil played with the back of Roman's sash. "I just want to help you. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too. And I'm not going to think you're weak either." he promised.  
"I can't," Roman mumbled.  
"Why not?" Virgil asked.  
"I just- I can't," Roman whimpered.  
"Well if it happens again, you can always come to me. No matter what I'm doing. I won't ask about it. I'll just help you patch up." Virgil said carefully.  
"I'm sorry," Roman muttered.  
"What for?" Virgil questioned.  
"I just- you already know what's happening and- and you just- and I still can't put it into words," Roman said.  
"I do?" Virgil asked.  
"It seems that way," Roman nodded.  
"Why can't you talk about it?" Virgil questioned.  
"I- because that means that I have to accept it," Roman whispered.  
"I don't understand," Virgil said quietly. "Are you hurting yourself?" he asked.  
"I-" Roman’s voice broke.  
Virgil pulled him a little closer and waited for him to finish.  
Roman felt a hot tear fall down his face. "I-" he nodded, but only slightly.  
It was barely noticeable, but Virgil noticed. "Oh, Roman." He pulled the hug to the ground, so they were kneeling next to each other. He fought back a sick feeling in his stomach and put one hand on the back of Roman's head.  
"I'm sorry," Roman whispered multiple times.  
"Shh, shh." Virgil stroked the back of his head. "I- I'm just horrified that I didn't see the signs. Don't be sorry, please," he said softly.  
"I- I-" Roman couldn’t find anything to say other than apologies.  
"It's okay, Roman." Virgil took a deep breath. "I- I used to- to do the same thing," he admitted.  
"But- but you don't- please- you don't do it anymore?" Roman begged.  
"No, Roman. I don't." Virgil gave him a gentle squeeze. "I stopped a long time ago. Not as long ago as I'd like, but I don't do that anymore," he promised.  
Roman nodded slowly. "O- okay. I'm s-" he began to say again.  
"Don't say that. I'm the one who should be sorry, we should be sorry that we let you feel this way." Virgil said.  
"N- no-" Roman mumbled.  
"Yes. Depression is nurture, not nature. It gets better or worse based on your surroundings. We surround you, and you feel this way." Virgil said quietly.  
"I- I don't- but I didn't-" Roman muttered.  
"Say anything?" Virgil guessed.  
Roman nodded.  
"Then we should have looked harder at how you were acting. Do you know how I stopped?" Virgil asked.  
Roman shook his head.  
"I didn't say a single word, but Janus saw me on one of my really bad days and he pretty much saved my life. He made me talk to Emile, and Emile told me to change my surroundings if they made me unhappy." Virgil adjusted himself to a more comfortable sitting position. "So I did," he claimed.  
"Is that when-?" Roman asked.  
"Yeah. That was when I first came over to you guys. And I felt better here. The bond you all had... I never had that as a Dark Side." Virgil smiled sadly.  
Roman laid his head on Virgil's shoulder again. "Oh," he hummed.  
Virgil moved over and leaned against the tree. "I want to help you, but I can't do anything for you. You have to choose to reach out," he said.  
Roman nodded slightly. "It's just- I dunno... hard?" Roman muttered.  
Virgil laughed a little. "Yeah, it’s probably one of the most frightening experiences I've been through. Other than when Thomas came out."  
Roman gave half of a laugh. "That was scary for everyone. Even Logan was stressed," he said.  
"Yeah. Patton was freaking out about the religious standpoint, I was just freaking out, and Janus was trying to talk us out of it. Remus was totally on board, though." Virgil said.  
Roman sighed. "I know. Even though I seemed alright, I was probably as panicked as you were," he said quietly.  
"You were probably worried about the creative careers that we could be denied, huh?" Virgil asked.  
Roman nodded slightly. "Mostly," he said.  
"Well, like when Thomas came out, talking to Emile was terrifying, but it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.” He sighed again. "I'm nowhere near perfect, and I have bad days just like anyone, but I feel so much better about... everything," Virgil said.  
Roman nodded. "I just don't think I could... be that kind of brave,” he whispered.  
"You're one of the bravest people I've ever met. I know if you decide to do it, you'll be alright." Virgil ran his fingers through Roman's hair. "As I said, it’s okay not to be okay."  
"I know, I just- can... Virgil?" Roman asked.  
"Yeah?" Virgil replied.  
"Can you- can you help...me?" Roman asked slowly.  
"Not the way Emile can, but of course I'll do everything I know how to. I'm here for you, Ro." Virgil promised.  
Roman nodded. "Thank you," he whispered.  
"You're welcome. Anytime." Virgil leaned his head on the top of Roman's and let him cry.


End file.
